If only it were that easy.
A Life Binging
I have lived with binge behavior all my life. Only the face has changed.
People can binge on anything - alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, food, shopping, and video games are the most common things. In today's society, people even "binge watch" TV shows. Unless your binge-watching of Glitch interferes with your ability to be healthy, we won't include that.
At one time, I binged on cigarettes and alcohol - at times, drugs. Around this time I also binged on shopping. As I was trying to quit those things, I started binging on gambling. When social media came out, I binged on MySpace. Eventually, I kicked that habit, too. Now, I binge on food.
It is easy to be able to blame things on a physical addiction. Drugs and alcohol can make you chemically dependent on the substance, but what if you can't blame a chemical? What if you just have compulsive tendencies?
Actually, you can blame that on a chemical dependency as well.
When you participate in something you find pleasing, your brain releases dopamine, serotonin, endorphins and other chemicals so that you feel good - happy, satisfied, well. This is great for people that suffer from depression and anxiety.
The problem is that eventually, you don't feel good anymore. That is where I am now.
Choosing Pain over Life
I found out that I have several food allergies - milk, wheat, corn, eggs, tomatoes, and peanuts. That encompasses every food that I like to binge on. I have health problems like fibromyalgia and IBS that are much improved if I steer clear on my food allergies.
At first, it was easy. I just told myself that it was like poison to me. I felt better, so I did good for awhile.
Slowly, the offending foods crept back into my life. I told myself that it was just for today. I told myself that it was just for a special occasion. Now, I can't lie to myself anymore.
I would rather be in pain then follow my diet.
To Control, Admit Defeat
My eating is out of control, much like the other bad habits before that.
Where do I go from here?
Well, I joined Overeaters Anonymous online. I hope that in The Steps, I can find healing - permanent healing - from all my compulsions, instead of just trading one for the other.
The problem with food is that I feel like it isn't as harmful as my previous compulsions, but it is, and I have to learn to see that.
Step One - Admit you are powerless over food, and your life has become unmanageable.
Step One - I admit that I am powerless over food, and my life has become unmanageable.